Log, Jun 19, 2009

17 (disappointed) people. As Henry Higgins said "I'm just an ordinary man. One who never could, never would let an insulting remark escape his lips." Poor Henry went on to explain in great detail about "Let a woman in your life…" We'll he was reasonably close, but it wasn't what Henry would have called "the fairer sex" that plagues us all but weather. One fairly cringes at the thought "Let weather in your life…"

Everyone knows that a "fair weather friend" is an absolute rotter. Such a friend will shamelessly mooch upon you but stab you in the back as soon as he (or possibly she) can. This dastardly friend, this miscreant, this veritable Iago pales in comparison with "friendly fair weather". The very thought brings bile gurgling to the throat.

Yesterday was a prime example. Several inches of rain by noon, then in the late afternoon it tricked me enough that I merely indicated that it was doubtful we'd open. But it stayed clear and we did open. We viewed Saturn until about half the line saw it. But it left a gap to the east. I lined up on Albireo until a young woman said she couldn't see anything - and she was right. In desperation I slewed the scope towards Lyra just in time to see the two pairs of stars in the Double Double become the Single Single and then the Nullity Nullity before I could hustle even one person save myself to the eyepiece. As we watched in stark and gathering horror, cumulous and tumulus mountains of clouds assembled themselves above our heads. No mere clouds wafting in on summery breezes but fogbanks forming directly from saturated air.

Well there is only one possible solution. We must stamp out weather - entirely. As ruthlessly as when Cicero declaimed "Cartago delenda est". Nothing must remain of weather. I know that this will enlarge the rolls of the unemployed by dumping hoards of meteorologists on the job market. Then again when could you trust one of them to give you a straight answer? One can understand the motive of a broker or a banker as they sell you doubtful securities. They, sat least, have a duty to Mammon to get the dubious securities off the books as soon as possible. But meteorologists must either be congenital prevaricators or helplessly naive. Better to get these naifs doing something useful, like shelling shrimp.

So, dear friends, join me in my great crusade. STAMP OUT WEATHER!

-Les Coleman

Leslie Coleman
Leslie Coleman
Entry Date:
Jun 19, 2009
Published Under:
Leslie Coleman's Log
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